Perez Hilton is a stupid, faux celebrity who doesn't have any legitimate say in politics or the representation of what Californians want. I think his little rant about it bothering Jews and atheists when Christians talk about Christianity is inflammatory and absurd. Although Super-Christians who have the same imbalanced opinion are just as lame.
Oh, and beauty pageants suck too.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
What to Expect When "What to Expect Books" Don't include What You Didn't Expect To Happen
First of all, since I have been working on this Round The World Trip with my family, I have been looking at a whole bunch of mommy blogs and end up reading about dumb shit I don't care about and getting mad. Since I am all knowing, I decided to dispell some myths for all you expectant mothers out there, and also for the ones that are already mothers and are just too spineless to say it.
Peaves Myth number one: Breastfeeding is great, and if you don't breastfeed you are a bad mother and your kid will come out stupid.
I know all the health reasons as to why breastfeeding is better for your baby. I know all the textbook and verbal instruction given by the teat experts. I can SEE the difference when both my babies had breast fed verses a bottle of formula. I have been told by "them" that if I stopped breastfeeding before Myla or Emily turned one, a. They would come out not as smart as other babies. b. formula tears their intestines up, like they are swallowing glass (no joke). c. It's selfish of me not to breastfeed.
Hunh.
I spent most of my time with Myla feeling guilty that I had stopped breastfeeding her at about 4 months. Then I realized, I was sleeping more and I didn't feel so bad. But the guilt stuck. While Myla grew up as advanced as she was, walking at 9 months and being able to conjugate verbs in 6 languages before she was one, I knew she wasn't going to grow up dumb. Do you know why? I didn't buy into the hype. I was selfish. Oh, and her guts didn't rip apart. By the time I had Emily, I was pretty confident as a mother and NO ONE was going to tell me what I could and couldn't do. I breast fed Emily for the first three months of her life, and then I realized I needed sleep. Again, no ripped up guts and Emily is now the President of Malta. Okay, so breastfeeding is better over formula feeding, but don't let anyone tell you you are a bad mother. Just because you choose to do what maybe your mother did for you and your siblings, which is formula feed. Also, don't feel guilty for getting rest. A rested mother makes a better mother anyway.
Peaves' Myth Number 2: I am only going to feed my toddler, organic, nutritious food.
The mom's that say this, are completely FULL OF SHIT. Unless, they are talking about an only child, or they have a nanny or a chef, or a toddler who eats ANYTHING. You know why? Because when you have a two year old, pureeing carrots and zucchini is pretty much a production line and an event. You don't want an event, you just don't want her to spit water onto the plate, while you also tend to your other child or children. Also, when Toddlers gain their independence they are picky, picky eaters. You get to the point where you just want them to eat ANYTHING, anything all. A deep fried corndog, a piece of processed cheese...a processed chicken nugget, ANYTHING. Of course, I am all for this when possible.
Peaves Myth Number 3: I clean the house twice a day.
Uhhhh, who does this with or without kids anyway?
Peaves Myth Number 4: You can't take a baby anywhere, and I will be trapped in my house for the first two months.
Unless, for medical reasons, you really can't take your newborn out, then you can go places with your newborn. It's true, a breastfeeding schedule or a feeding schedule might bar you from going anywhere very far for the first few weeks, but you are definitely not trapped in the house. Also, newborns immune systems are not very good yet, but just don't let everyone touch him or her until they are older. Also, don't be afraid to tell people they have to wash their hands.
Peaves Myth Number 5: When that baby goes down, you go down.
This is a nice myth. This is also a very unrealistic myth. I WISH I could have slept every time my baby had slept, even before I had a toddler to tend to. Let's pretend for arugments sake that we are talking about my first baby, when it was just me and her and an empty messy apartment during the day. She sleeps, two hours tops. What do I do? I try to lay on the couch and sleep. She stirs. I get up to look at her. I turn around and look again. I realize I never put the milk back in the fridge from when I snuck a bowl of cereal between breast feeding. As I am putting back the milk I realize that I forgot to call the doctor's office back for her month check-up. Then, after I call the doctor's, the husband calls. While I am on the phone I walk over to the bassinet to make sure she is still breathing. He wants to know if everything is okay. You chat it up with him because it's nice to talk to someone for a minute who isn't the doctor's office and who know what's going on out there. You head on back to the couch where you still have about an hour and a half to sleep, but not before you check on her to see if she is still breathing. The dryer's buzzer goes off. You get up to put the wet clothes in the dryer. You fold some onesies, then you realize you haven't gotten anything laid out for the next diaper change. You go and get the stuff out and realize that you have a clean shirt! So you change that...and you brush your teeth! WOW! You are brushing your teeth. You check to see if she is still breathing. Afterwards, you head back to the couch, you now have an hour left. Phone rings. It's your mother, wanting to know if you are getting rest. You talk to her for a minute. You check to see if the baby is still breathing. You try to sit down on the couch and the doorbell rings. It's UPS delivering a present from someone somewhere. You sign for it, open it, oogle at it, make a note to write a thank you card to whoever it's from, and you try to sit down. By this time, the load of laundry is done. You get up and put it in the dryer. You check to see if she is still breathing. Then you realize you are going grocery shopping this afternoon, you make the list and get the small baby bag ready for this outing. Baby stirs. You now have twenty minutes for a nap. You lay down, you can't sleep. And this my friends, is why going down when the baby is asleep is not a very realistic idea.
Peaves Myth Number 6: I don't need to attend a birthing class. I can read about this stuff.
This is possible. But, I have taken a birthing class for both of my pregnancies even though the information I already read about to begin with. What they don't have in books is the experience. You are there with other couples. If you go through your hospital, there is more than likely a hospital tour. They also tell you things you don't get in the books, like... "Don't freak out when you kid looks the way he does when he comes out..." It's also nice to meet other parents who are in the same boat as you and to see that your baby will be ten times cuter than theirs. Also, for the Papa's, they can see other Papa's who complain about pregnancy hormones and mood swings. It's also a nice excuse for a date night.
Peaves Myth Number 7: I have to listen to my mother when it comes to child rearing.
Have you ever listened to her before? Actually, take all adivce from everyone with a grain of salt (especially MINE!) Read a lot, love your babies, use your noggins and try not to raise a bunch of assholes. Of course, if you're an asshole, then your kid will be one too.
Peaves Myth number one: Breastfeeding is great, and if you don't breastfeed you are a bad mother and your kid will come out stupid.
I know all the health reasons as to why breastfeeding is better for your baby. I know all the textbook and verbal instruction given by the teat experts. I can SEE the difference when both my babies had breast fed verses a bottle of formula. I have been told by "them" that if I stopped breastfeeding before Myla or Emily turned one, a. They would come out not as smart as other babies. b. formula tears their intestines up, like they are swallowing glass (no joke). c. It's selfish of me not to breastfeed.
Hunh.
I spent most of my time with Myla feeling guilty that I had stopped breastfeeding her at about 4 months. Then I realized, I was sleeping more and I didn't feel so bad. But the guilt stuck. While Myla grew up as advanced as she was, walking at 9 months and being able to conjugate verbs in 6 languages before she was one, I knew she wasn't going to grow up dumb. Do you know why? I didn't buy into the hype. I was selfish. Oh, and her guts didn't rip apart. By the time I had Emily, I was pretty confident as a mother and NO ONE was going to tell me what I could and couldn't do. I breast fed Emily for the first three months of her life, and then I realized I needed sleep. Again, no ripped up guts and Emily is now the President of Malta. Okay, so breastfeeding is better over formula feeding, but don't let anyone tell you you are a bad mother. Just because you choose to do what maybe your mother did for you and your siblings, which is formula feed. Also, don't feel guilty for getting rest. A rested mother makes a better mother anyway.
Peaves' Myth Number 2: I am only going to feed my toddler, organic, nutritious food.
The mom's that say this, are completely FULL OF SHIT. Unless, they are talking about an only child, or they have a nanny or a chef, or a toddler who eats ANYTHING. You know why? Because when you have a two year old, pureeing carrots and zucchini is pretty much a production line and an event. You don't want an event, you just don't want her to spit water onto the plate, while you also tend to your other child or children. Also, when Toddlers gain their independence they are picky, picky eaters. You get to the point where you just want them to eat ANYTHING, anything all. A deep fried corndog, a piece of processed cheese...a processed chicken nugget, ANYTHING. Of course, I am all for this when possible.
Peaves Myth Number 3: I clean the house twice a day.
Uhhhh, who does this with or without kids anyway?
Peaves Myth Number 4: You can't take a baby anywhere, and I will be trapped in my house for the first two months.
Unless, for medical reasons, you really can't take your newborn out, then you can go places with your newborn. It's true, a breastfeeding schedule or a feeding schedule might bar you from going anywhere very far for the first few weeks, but you are definitely not trapped in the house. Also, newborns immune systems are not very good yet, but just don't let everyone touch him or her until they are older. Also, don't be afraid to tell people they have to wash their hands.
Peaves Myth Number 5: When that baby goes down, you go down.
This is a nice myth. This is also a very unrealistic myth. I WISH I could have slept every time my baby had slept, even before I had a toddler to tend to. Let's pretend for arugments sake that we are talking about my first baby, when it was just me and her and an empty messy apartment during the day. She sleeps, two hours tops. What do I do? I try to lay on the couch and sleep. She stirs. I get up to look at her. I turn around and look again. I realize I never put the milk back in the fridge from when I snuck a bowl of cereal between breast feeding. As I am putting back the milk I realize that I forgot to call the doctor's office back for her month check-up. Then, after I call the doctor's, the husband calls. While I am on the phone I walk over to the bassinet to make sure she is still breathing. He wants to know if everything is okay. You chat it up with him because it's nice to talk to someone for a minute who isn't the doctor's office and who know what's going on out there. You head on back to the couch where you still have about an hour and a half to sleep, but not before you check on her to see if she is still breathing. The dryer's buzzer goes off. You get up to put the wet clothes in the dryer. You fold some onesies, then you realize you haven't gotten anything laid out for the next diaper change. You go and get the stuff out and realize that you have a clean shirt! So you change that...and you brush your teeth! WOW! You are brushing your teeth. You check to see if she is still breathing. Afterwards, you head back to the couch, you now have an hour left. Phone rings. It's your mother, wanting to know if you are getting rest. You talk to her for a minute. You check to see if the baby is still breathing. You try to sit down on the couch and the doorbell rings. It's UPS delivering a present from someone somewhere. You sign for it, open it, oogle at it, make a note to write a thank you card to whoever it's from, and you try to sit down. By this time, the load of laundry is done. You get up and put it in the dryer. You check to see if she is still breathing. Then you realize you are going grocery shopping this afternoon, you make the list and get the small baby bag ready for this outing. Baby stirs. You now have twenty minutes for a nap. You lay down, you can't sleep. And this my friends, is why going down when the baby is asleep is not a very realistic idea.
Peaves Myth Number 6: I don't need to attend a birthing class. I can read about this stuff.
This is possible. But, I have taken a birthing class for both of my pregnancies even though the information I already read about to begin with. What they don't have in books is the experience. You are there with other couples. If you go through your hospital, there is more than likely a hospital tour. They also tell you things you don't get in the books, like... "Don't freak out when you kid looks the way he does when he comes out..." It's also nice to meet other parents who are in the same boat as you and to see that your baby will be ten times cuter than theirs. Also, for the Papa's, they can see other Papa's who complain about pregnancy hormones and mood swings. It's also a nice excuse for a date night.
Peaves Myth Number 7: I have to listen to my mother when it comes to child rearing.
Have you ever listened to her before? Actually, take all adivce from everyone with a grain of salt (especially MINE!) Read a lot, love your babies, use your noggins and try not to raise a bunch of assholes. Of course, if you're an asshole, then your kid will be one too.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Twilight Series vs Bacon Cheeseburgers
After attending "The Con" as many people refer to it, I would always see a long line of teenage girls, anxiously looking forward, to the front of a long line. The line would be there when I left, and when I came back a few hours later, the line would still be there.
I would always ask, "What are you guys in line for? Bacon cheeseburgers?" I can't think of anything I would want to wait in line for that long unless it had bacon or meat or cheese in it's title.
One of the drooling teenage girls would haughtily tell me, "Twilight," like I was supposed to automatically know what the fuck she was talking about. "It's a book about this girl, who falls in love with a vampire...and blah blah blah." I walk away before I even care. Duh. We've already seen this with Buffy and Angel.
Or have we?
I got not one, but two copies of the first Twilight book for Christmas last year. A month later, on our trip to the Philippines, who had two thumbs and read all four Twilight books in 72 hours? (Points both thumbs towards myself). THIS GIRL.
Yep, I read them all like they were in fact, bacon cheeseburgers. I devoured them, and enjoyed them and felt guilty in the end.
SPOILER WARNINGS....
Here's what I think about the writing: At first was kind of distracting, because it wasn't very good. I felt like I was reading a 16 year old girl's diary and I had broken the little plastic lock. Turns out, I think that is Stephenie Meyers' point. She focuses on how Bella feels and acts which I don't like very much. I can't tap into the 16 year old girl's psyche much. Possibly because I was stoned a lot when I was 16 years old, and that part of my brain is basically gone. After I got over the whole 16 year old girl thing, I realized the problem is I don't like Bella. I can't tell what she is thinking. WHOA! That's why I keep reading and that is why Edward loves her! He can't read her mind. This whole series is kind of a mind fuck. Meyer's portrays this awesome sexual tension between Edward and Bella and I think throughout the first book they never have a satisfying kiss. And you end up really wanting them to kiss. So you read and you read hoping they'll kiss or have sex or even dry hump for crying out loud.
Seriously though, I think the plot in the series development is fantastic and I really cared about what has happening next. I thought that Meyer's character development was poor, but then I realized it wasn't. If her characters weren't well rounded why did I want to know what happened next? Another mind game.
Needless to say, I was more than reasonably entertained.
So Twilight vs a Bacon Cheeseburger? I think I would pick the Twilight Series. That's saying a lot people, you know how much I love those damn sandwiches.
Some Notes on the Twilight Movie:
I was definitely glad I read the books and then watched the movie. The guy who plays Edward is spot on and Bella too. I don't like the little twinkly eyed twerp they cast as Jacob though. I thought he should be singing in a High School Musical or something. I feel like he is supposed to be kind of competition for Edward, so that you can justify the fact that Bella contemplates Jacob while Edward is away. But movie-Jacob would get the shit kicked out of him faster than you could say "vampire penis." Ahhh well, we'll see in New Moon.
I would always ask, "What are you guys in line for? Bacon cheeseburgers?" I can't think of anything I would want to wait in line for that long unless it had bacon or meat or cheese in it's title.
One of the drooling teenage girls would haughtily tell me, "Twilight," like I was supposed to automatically know what the fuck she was talking about. "It's a book about this girl, who falls in love with a vampire...and blah blah blah." I walk away before I even care. Duh. We've already seen this with Buffy and Angel.
Or have we?
I got not one, but two copies of the first Twilight book for Christmas last year. A month later, on our trip to the Philippines, who had two thumbs and read all four Twilight books in 72 hours? (Points both thumbs towards myself). THIS GIRL.
Yep, I read them all like they were in fact, bacon cheeseburgers. I devoured them, and enjoyed them and felt guilty in the end.
SPOILER WARNINGS....
Here's what I think about the writing: At first was kind of distracting, because it wasn't very good. I felt like I was reading a 16 year old girl's diary and I had broken the little plastic lock. Turns out, I think that is Stephenie Meyers' point. She focuses on how Bella feels and acts which I don't like very much. I can't tap into the 16 year old girl's psyche much. Possibly because I was stoned a lot when I was 16 years old, and that part of my brain is basically gone. After I got over the whole 16 year old girl thing, I realized the problem is I don't like Bella. I can't tell what she is thinking. WHOA! That's why I keep reading and that is why Edward loves her! He can't read her mind. This whole series is kind of a mind fuck. Meyer's portrays this awesome sexual tension between Edward and Bella and I think throughout the first book they never have a satisfying kiss. And you end up really wanting them to kiss. So you read and you read hoping they'll kiss or have sex or even dry hump for crying out loud.
Seriously though, I think the plot in the series development is fantastic and I really cared about what has happening next. I thought that Meyer's character development was poor, but then I realized it wasn't. If her characters weren't well rounded why did I want to know what happened next? Another mind game.
Needless to say, I was more than reasonably entertained.
So Twilight vs a Bacon Cheeseburger? I think I would pick the Twilight Series. That's saying a lot people, you know how much I love those damn sandwiches.
Some Notes on the Twilight Movie:
I was definitely glad I read the books and then watched the movie. The guy who plays Edward is spot on and Bella too. I don't like the little twinkly eyed twerp they cast as Jacob though. I thought he should be singing in a High School Musical or something. I feel like he is supposed to be kind of competition for Edward, so that you can justify the fact that Bella contemplates Jacob while Edward is away. But movie-Jacob would get the shit kicked out of him faster than you could say "vampire penis." Ahhh well, we'll see in New Moon.
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