Being One of Those Parents...

After having a couple of kids, there is something I have basically been trying to avoid for awhile. I can't avoid it. It's going to happen. Inevitably, at Soccer, Gymboree, the hospital, friends of friends with babies...only because, I'm a jerk and don't really care too much about other people's kids. I only really care about a handful of other people's kids, because I find the people delightful and yada yada yada. If I haven't held your kid, most likely, I don't really give a damn about them. Here are the kinds of parents I try to avoid being, as well as try to avoid in general:

1. The One Upper: This parent is always telling you what percentile their kid is in. "Well Junior's head was in the 86th percentile..." or Blah Blah's feet are this big... Congratulations, your kid has a huge head. Don't get caught up in a numbers game with these people, you will never win. It's so much nicer to just enjoy libations at the snack bar. This parent's kid is always better than yours, and is usually a pretty ugly kid.

2. The Know it All: These are usually people who have already had a kid and know everything about your kid, and other people's kids. They might actually know more than you about the technical side of raising a kid, but don't let mr or mrs overbearing bring you down.

3. The Neglector: This parent is always on their phone, and their kids always look bored, and will probably end up doing drugs. What a bunch of assholes.

4. The Yeller &/Or Abuser: This person will have a short fuse and be at the end of their rope. Their kids are usually assholes, because their parents are assholes. He or she will yell EVERYTHING to get their point across while talking to you. The usually make the room, very uncomfortable.

5. The Self Centered One: This parent will look great and push around Bugaboo stroller and look great. More than likely, they will look great and look really bothered if their baby cries or spits up on them. They will talk about their weight a lot and will hire a baby sitter just to get their nails done. This person will never talk about their kids, unless it pertains to something about them. Like, "Oh Axl was up all night, now I have all these bags under my eyes..." and they will talk more about themselves.

6. The Jellyfish: This parent will give their child anything, at your expense, at the expense of your child, and never, ever teaches their kids manners. More than likely, their kid is domineering and obnoxious.

7. The Too Much Too Soon: Usually a mom, not so much a dad. She will probably want to sign you up for a ton of volunteer work, and have you working. This is because the Too Much Too Soon Mom needs help with all the shit she has signed up for. I think I fall into this category. We forget about parenting and end up getting caught up in the schedules of things.

Something I noticed about this, is it's kind of a white thing. Hmmm...